So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
