Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize