New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i wish my penis had a tongue
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
