Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
