Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
