hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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