I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
