I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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