the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
