i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
