Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
