He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I want to fling myself into the sun
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
