ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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