I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
