Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
