i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I need moral support for this bender
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
