C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
