we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
