I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
