id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
