how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
