We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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