I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
