you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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