so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
