youre lurking in front of me
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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