they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
