He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
