The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
