I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
