My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
