No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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