I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
