you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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