watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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