You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
where does the pee come out of this thing
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
