Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
