To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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