3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Me too!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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