Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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