I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
