I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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