I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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