I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
