I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
