Swine flu. Run for my life!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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