you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
