So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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