We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
