dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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