i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
