You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
