I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
