I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
