I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
