My room smells like vodka and shame
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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