I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
