That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
