you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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