i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she peed on how many people?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
