Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
