I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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