My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
