At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
