he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
