I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
