At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
