just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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