peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
