this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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