so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Please don't give away my fajitas
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
