True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
