Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
