You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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