i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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