so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
