when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
