Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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